Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
