I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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