dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
