It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
