but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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