After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Never underestimate the power of titties
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
