he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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