I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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