Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
