If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
