two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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