they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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