i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
