I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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