I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize