**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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