We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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