I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
