you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You're like the curious george of whores
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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