and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just google imaged poop.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
