Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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