So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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