sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
