ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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