i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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