i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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