Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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