He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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