well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
