That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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