She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
