fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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