She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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