Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
