thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
