"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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