Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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