sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
