Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
