whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i already hear my dad disowning me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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