Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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