there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
