youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
