i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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