3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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