obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
