Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
