$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize