you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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