I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
