I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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