Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
