Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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