The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
