dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
