wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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