i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i think my cat just said my name.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
