Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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