I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
