I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
