Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize