i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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