I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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