rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
