btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
