Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize