You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
